You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
