He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
