So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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