U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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