Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've blown a few things in my day
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
