I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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