oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
