accomplished twins. life is a go
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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