got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the day after is always just damage control
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
