I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
