woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
