i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
