is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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