Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
