I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
