every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize