how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's always time for handjobs
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
