look no pants
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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