Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
