Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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