dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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