Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
