she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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