need another drink. this is the easiest way
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone shattered a urinal.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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