Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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