I am puke
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
