So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
