I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
