Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
