My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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