please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
