I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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