If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
