She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am one with the molecules
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
