yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
