Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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