It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
