Tell her she can't have a vagina
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize