Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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