She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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