I can tuck mytits in my pants
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
