i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
