just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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