thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
