I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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