weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
