I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
