Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just blew my weed a kiss
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
