He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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