we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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