omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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