I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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