I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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