News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
