I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
