Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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