Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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