I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
