Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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