The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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