Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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