I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
