if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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