yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
