This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize