so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
