He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
