nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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