mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
