I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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