my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
