I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
