Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
