guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are we still banned from the library?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
