Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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