I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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