The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
