This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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