Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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