woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
