Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
