This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
