I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So vagazzling was a success
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
