About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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