and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize