oh god the rape fog is back!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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