I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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