Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
