Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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