What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
