New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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