Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
