It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just gargled with NyQuil
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
