just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
