I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize