I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
