I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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