I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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