Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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