you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
