i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
