I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
